Part I of the Idiot 'ilogies.
Assorted Idiots...
Such a variety -- where do I begin?
How's about here...
Imagine yourself taking a lovely roadtrip with a travel buddy... Somewhat spur of the moment -- a decision made one day in advance -- but why not?! There's something about spontaneity that is invigorating, daring and downright exciting....
Your anaphylactic nemesis is of the food variety, so you pack a few things that you know you can eat safely... A couple of oranges, peanut butter, honey, a loaf of whole wheat bread, a can of salted peanuts, unsalted pistachios, a couple of apples, and bottled water. You are hoping to find a few lovely restaurants that can accommodate you, but are carrying these things as snack food, as well as possible short term meal alternatives in the event that the local establishments are unfit.
You're going to a wonderfully scenic destination, but the drive is long. Along the way, the two of you decide to stop to stretch your legs, use the restrooms, and possibly grab some lunch. The first three are working beautifully... However, when it comes to the meal, you realize that the rest stop only has fast food of the "it's gonna give you Delhi Belly" variety... Which sets off alarms for you -- places like this are never able to accommodate you, even on Opening Day.
You subtlely vocalize your concerns to your friend... Expressing your hesitation and discomfort should be enough... However, your friend, usually the first to get subtlety, subtlely ignores your concern. You study the situation to determine your probability... You survey the ingredients in the dishes... The garnishes used and how it is laid out in the display... The way the food is being prepared and cooked... How the servers handle the food...
Your friend delightedly states that she can't tell whether to get #3 or #7, as you stare down a particularly menacing-looking croissant sandwich. You express your concern in less ambiguous terms -- "I don't feel comfortable eating here -- I don't think they can prepare something for me without contamination...". Your friend gleefully places an order for a #7... At which point, you realize your friend is truly a #2....
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Perks, Jerks and Other Assorted Idiots
Perks.
Some perks are obvious. Others take the development of a new paradigm. Let's work on that new paradigm together.
There are numerous perks to the anaphylactic lifestyle. True, it is a completely unplanned reality... One that you never could have anticipated in even your most bizarre dreams. Yes, it takes a bit more attention and effort to circumnavigate those things that could send you onto a gurney or into a body bag equally as quickly... And yes, it stinks that you won't be able to eat that wonderful dish that you clearly must have really liked... Or suit up in that latex outfit... And anaphylaxis does give the word "carefree" new meaning for you.... But, let's face it -- what doesn't kill you (literally, in this case), makes you wiser, stronger and a strategic mastermind.
Wisdom. What is wisdom?
* accumulated knowledge or erudition or enlightenment
* the trait of utilizing knowledge and experience with common sense and insight
Insight. Insight gives us the perk. One such perk is the fact that jerks and other assorted idiots don't take long to become uncloaked. "Nue comme un ver." Stark bloody naked.
A jerk will insist that the two of you (or the group you're with) eat in an establishment that might not provide a safe dining experience for you. If the person does not defer to you in choosing a place to dine, then this person does not value your life. At first glance, this sounds like a power play -- but it's not. It's purely an exercise in humanity. A friend living the non-anaphylactic lifestyle can eat whatever they want, whenever they want, wherever and with whomever they want. The number of times they go out with you are a fraction of those times. When they are with you, allowing you to make the ultimate call does not diminish that person's overall enjoyment of life. If seeing you on a drip in the ER is just as entertaining an option as going to a Broadway show, then maybe it's time to re-think this connection. After all, you choose your friends -- you are not the victim of their choices.
Some perks are obvious. Others take the development of a new paradigm. Let's work on that new paradigm together.
There are numerous perks to the anaphylactic lifestyle. True, it is a completely unplanned reality... One that you never could have anticipated in even your most bizarre dreams. Yes, it takes a bit more attention and effort to circumnavigate those things that could send you onto a gurney or into a body bag equally as quickly... And yes, it stinks that you won't be able to eat that wonderful dish that you clearly must have really liked... Or suit up in that latex outfit... And anaphylaxis does give the word "carefree" new meaning for you.... But, let's face it -- what doesn't kill you (literally, in this case), makes you wiser, stronger and a strategic mastermind.
Wisdom. What is wisdom?
* accumulated knowledge or erudition or enlightenment
* the trait of utilizing knowledge and experience with common sense and insight
Insight. Insight gives us the perk. One such perk is the fact that jerks and other assorted idiots don't take long to become uncloaked. "Nue comme un ver." Stark bloody naked.
A jerk will insist that the two of you (or the group you're with) eat in an establishment that might not provide a safe dining experience for you. If the person does not defer to you in choosing a place to dine, then this person does not value your life. At first glance, this sounds like a power play -- but it's not. It's purely an exercise in humanity. A friend living the non-anaphylactic lifestyle can eat whatever they want, whenever they want, wherever and with whomever they want. The number of times they go out with you are a fraction of those times. When they are with you, allowing you to make the ultimate call does not diminish that person's overall enjoyment of life. If seeing you on a drip in the ER is just as entertaining an option as going to a Broadway show, then maybe it's time to re-think this connection. After all, you choose your friends -- you are not the victim of their choices.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Always Flash
Use Flash.
Work it. When you hand the card to the waiter/waitress, make sure you explain that, if your food comes into contact with any of the items on the list, and you eat it, you will die. Some form of the word “death” usually catches a server’s attention – you can physically see them perk up, as they listen more intently. If a server does not seem to understand the gravity of the situation, leave the restaurant. Earlier on, I paid the price for not having properly gauged a waiter’s lack of concern.
The waiter remembered me from a previous visit, during which, after giving him specific verbal direction (I hadn’t yet devised the flash card strategy), he served my dish with a helping of lettuce on it. I sent the dish back, explaining that I needed a new meal prepared and that I would need them to put it on a clean plate. During my second visit, I can only guess that the chef had placed lettuce on my dish, and then removed it after the waiter noticed it. Unwittingly, I ate dinner, and proceeded to experience part of my anaphylactic reaction on my way home.
Depending on the personalities of the establishment's staff, you might receive the attention of numerous members of the wait staff, management and/or the chef. I consider this a good sign -- it means that they are giving your requirements due gravity. They understand that your life hangs in the balance, and that they could be responsible for anything adverse that might occur. These are the people you want feeding you.
You might also encounter restaurant managers who politely and nervously tell you that they would like you to leave the restaurant, because they are concerned that they will not be able to segregate the preparation of your food perfectly. This usually follows numerous iterations of questions and answers, and trips to the kitchen. Use your best judgment to determine whether or not to eat there.
Work it. When you hand the card to the waiter/waitress, make sure you explain that, if your food comes into contact with any of the items on the list, and you eat it, you will die. Some form of the word “death” usually catches a server’s attention – you can physically see them perk up, as they listen more intently. If a server does not seem to understand the gravity of the situation, leave the restaurant. Earlier on, I paid the price for not having properly gauged a waiter’s lack of concern.
The waiter remembered me from a previous visit, during which, after giving him specific verbal direction (I hadn’t yet devised the flash card strategy), he served my dish with a helping of lettuce on it. I sent the dish back, explaining that I needed a new meal prepared and that I would need them to put it on a clean plate. During my second visit, I can only guess that the chef had placed lettuce on my dish, and then removed it after the waiter noticed it. Unwittingly, I ate dinner, and proceeded to experience part of my anaphylactic reaction on my way home.
Depending on the personalities of the establishment's staff, you might receive the attention of numerous members of the wait staff, management and/or the chef. I consider this a good sign -- it means that they are giving your requirements due gravity. They understand that your life hangs in the balance, and that they could be responsible for anything adverse that might occur. These are the people you want feeding you.
You might also encounter restaurant managers who politely and nervously tell you that they would like you to leave the restaurant, because they are concerned that they will not be able to segregate the preparation of your food perfectly. This usually follows numerous iterations of questions and answers, and trips to the kitchen. Use your best judgment to determine whether or not to eat there.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Flash 'em!
Flash 'em!
Ok... Let's keep this G-rated....
Want to improve your odds of dining without adverse incident? Hand the food service manager (e.g. Restaurant manager, chef) a flash card listing your anaphylactic allergens. A flash card can be as simple as words typed on a slip of paper, or as elaborate as a laminated card or sheet of paper listing your allergens. You can buy them online, or make them on your own – making your own ensures that the information will be custom-tailored to your particular case.
Size matters. Don't believe anyone who says otherwise... It must have large enough type/font so that the average person who is neither legally blind nor a perfect 20/20 can easily make out all of the words on the sheet. If someone must squint or guess at the items listed on your flash card, then you are effectively engaging in a game of Russian Roulette.
The size of the card matters also. The card should not be so small that it can easily be lost by your server or chef -- but it should also be not so large that it is difficult for your waiter/waitress to carry with your order. I find that 8.5 x 4" is a handy size -- and it doesn't get lost. 5" x 7" works as well. At times, it will come back to you with oil and/or food stains... most cherished proof that the flash card made it into the hands of a chef.
Size matters. Don't believe anyone who says otherwise... It must have large enough type/font so that the average person who is neither legally blind nor a perfect 20/20 can easily make out all of the words on the sheet. If someone must squint or guess at the items listed on your flash card, then you are effectively engaging in a game of Russian Roulette.
The size of the card matters also. The card should not be so small that it can easily be lost by your server or chef -- but it should also be not so large that it is difficult for your waiter/waitress to carry with your order. I find that 8.5 x 4" is a handy size -- and it doesn't get lost. 5" x 7" works as well. At times, it will come back to you with oil and/or food stains... most cherished proof that the flash card made it into the hands of a chef.
Content. Remember the 3 Cs: Clear, Concise, Comprehensive. Use simple, clear sentences to convey your requirements. Assume that your reader could have Attention Deficit Disorder – get the reader’s attention while keeping your message short. Finally, make sure that all of your allergens are listed – it must be comprehensive enough so as to leave no question in the reader’s mind.
The flash card is a tool that should be incorporated into your repertoire and used any time you are thinking of having food pass your lips. Make sure your EpiPen is within easy reach at all times.
Sample Anaphylactic Allergy Flash Card:
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